Silly Old Bear

About four months after Ashley died, Susan and Justin and I took a trip from our home in Texas to visit some friends in Tennessee and then spend a few days in the Great Smoky Mountains. Driving late at night, somewhere between Memphis and Nashville, the idea for a song began growing in my head. It was a tribute to the remarkable life of my Ashley, her profound impact on our lives as her family, and the deep emptiness left in our hearts by her death. But even amidst the palpable sadness of our grief, I found my thoughts, and the emerging song, focusing on the hope that is inherent in my faith — the promise that, one day, we will see her and hold her once again.

The more we drove, the more the song grew and began to organize itself into verses and a chorus. I asked Susan to find some paper and a pen and start writing down the words so that I wouldn’t forget them. I drove and Susan wrote, and by the time we reached Nashville, “Until Then” was a song.

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It’s hard to believe it has been eight years: November 24, 2001. Sometimes it seems as though it was only yesterday that you left us, Ashley. Then there are moments when it seems that a lifetime has passed since that awful day.

I still miss you like crazy. We’re doing OK, though. You taught us to cherish every day. Most days we remember to do that. You taught us to live life to the fullest, to squeeze every drop of adventure out of every day that God gives us. You showed us that the real beauty of life is living with a complete trust in God. It’s funny how I’ve been a minister most of my adult life, but you figured that out so much better and lived it so much more completely than I ever have.

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A few months after my daughter Ashley died, I called a friend and asked him to meet me for lunch. Andy Moya is one of those creative types who seems to be good at everything he does. He is a graphics artist/designer by trade, and a very talented musician by avocation. I was captivated by his CD of Christmas favorites played on piano.

Andy is also just an all-around great guy. I came to know him through a mutual friend, and have always enjoyed any opportunity to visit with him. He is deeply spiritual and loves the Lord with all his heart. I have a great respect for him in that regard.

I invited Andy to lunch because I had a favor to ask of him. I wanted to have a beautiful instrumental song written especially in Ashley’s memory. Knowing Andy’s creativity, musicianship, and heart, I felt like he would be the perfect person for such an undertaking, if he was interested.

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I had never prayed as hard in my life as I did the morning of March 16, 1997. It was a Sunday morning, about 6:30, and I was driving from Children’s Medical Center in Dallas back to our house about 35 minutes away. Four hours earlier, Susan and I had been told by a doctor at Children’s that our 9-year-old daughter Ashley had a brain tumor.

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Country singer Alan Jackson sang a song entitled “Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)?”, referring to that fateful day in 2001 that will forever be remembered simply as “Nine Eleven”.

Do you remember where you were?

I will never forget.

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Ashley wanted to be an actor. She was in Drama in junior high and really enjoyed it. When a letter arrived in the mail from a talent agency in Dallas, addressed to her, Ashley lit up. The agency had some spots open for new clients, and would be interviewing prospects in the near future. Ashley begged us to take her. So we did.

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September is
Childhood Cancer Awareness Month .

My daughter Ashley died of cancer in November 2001. She was 14 years old. Diagnosed with a brain tumor when she was almost 10, she went through a year-and-a-half of treatments, was cancer-free for three years, and then relapsed in the Fall of 2001. She survived only two-and-a-half months after her relapse.

In the United States in 2007, more than 10,000 children under the age of 15 were diagnosed with cancer. Over 1,500 of them will die from the disease. Cancer is the second leading cause of death in children, exceeded only by accidents. (Source: American Cancer Society )

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Today is Friday, April 27, 2007.

Today, she would be 20.

Ashley Jean O’Rear was born on April 27, 1987, in Corpus Christi, Texas. I was 25 years old, Susan was 22, and Ashley was our first child. We were young, and we were so excited to have been blessed by God with such a beautiful child. Ashley was the classic “bundle of joy”. Her presence in our lives would cause us to experience life, and love, and joy from a whole new perspective and at a much deeper level than we had ever imagined before becoming parents. In the words of a song that I wrote in Ashley’s memory shortly after her death, “The day you came into my life, my world began anew. I didn’t know that love could run as deep as I love you.”

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